Living With Yourself

The most important and the most difficult relationship you will ever have, is the relationship with yourself. The standards and values that you set for yourself, your “Personal Values”, are what define who you are and how you wish to live your life.

This applies to the personal (loving) relationships as well as relationships at work – meaning people you meet and those you work with and the work you do.

Our value systems are far more integral to our everyday life than you may realise. For example:

  • It’s what drives our decision making.
  • It’s how our brain registers whether we’re feeling good or feeling uneasy with someones actions or comments.
  • Your ‘intuition’ about someone, comes from whether your values could be threatened, resulting in a desire to ‘move towards’ and interact more, or to move away and avoid.

And that’s just for starters!  At work there are many situations where your values will come under fire and challenge the very standards you hold dear and consider non-negotiable.

Having consulted with many companies over the years there is something I have observed that holds fast and will not budge, and that is:

No matter what your age, religion, background or occupation, or position in life, if your personal values and standards are not being fulfilled or are being contravened, then there are personal consequences and happiness and satisfaction levels will be threatened.

You are measuring your personal values and standards all the time against everything you do and everyone you interact with and will assess what the experience means to you. i.e. does it enhance or inhibit and challenge you.

Ask yourself a question:

Do you know what makes you happy? Now you might answer this question quickly, knowing that running every morning, two holidays a year, Sunday drives, being with your partner and a bonus every Christmas makes you happy. What you’re really saying is that…. Time for health and exercise, relaxation where you can unwind, quality time with your partner and recognition of hard work are part of what makes you happy.

If you’re trying to answer this question and finding it a bit difficult, it’s alright – you’re not alone. Unsurprisingly, a lot of people aren’t sure what makes them happy because they have never taken the time to really think about and ask themselves and reflect on value-based questions. Life has so many different aspects to it, so which one are we talking about?

The trouble we run into this… If you’re unclear or unsure as to what makes you happy – how can you ever achieve it?

  •  How can you be happy in your life?
  •  How can your partner make you happy?
  •  How can your job make you happy?
  •  How can any relationship make you happy?

When you discover your standards and values, you know more about yourself and what you seek in life and work and so have a framework to work from in the knowledge that anything less will invariably undermine your own happiness, regardless of what  you are doing.

You see – it must start with you. You are the common denominator – You are the one that’s always there when you interact with others or something…

For example, if you think being “Genuine” is really important to you, then openness and honesty and truth are part of your Life’s Standards and so trust in a relationship regardless of it being personal or professional, can be high on the agenda. When you are experiencing this, it is uplifting and you can feel great.

However when presented with the opposite, you experience the opposite and so suspicion and mistrust, avoiding or distancing yourself become high on the agenda.

We can switch emotionally so quickly from a high to a low when presented with the opposite of what we hold dear. So knowing what you desire is the key.

Knowing your own standards that you intuitively know are what you are seeking in a personal or working relationship.

We spend a lot of our time working and finding companies that align with, support and demonstrate the values and standards that support your drive and motivation, can take a while. Companies require to think deeply at the implications of their conduct and the direct impact on the workforce belief systems.


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